Christmas

A quote I found that summed up Christmas for me this year : "Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times." ~Kate L. Bosher

Maybe it's the fact that I have a void in my heart & life right now... there's something about having children around the holidays that makes them more fun and relevant.

Maybe it's the fact that all traditions are no more. Divorce and addictions have put a damper on the holidays. I long for simplicity, routine and tradition. I miss knowing that on Christmas Eve the schedule goes as follows: church, grandma Clara's, grandma Katie's, bed. Then on Christmas: wake up early, wake Josh & Abe, eat breakfast as a family (cinnamon rolls, eggs), open gifts, go to Papa Ray's and eat.

It didn't help that Nick worked on Christmas, my dad was super crabby, and Abe wasn't around. I couldn't help but think I'd be more into the holidays if we had a little one running around, if there was someone younger than 20 to be excited about gifts.

I am relieved the holidays are over and am looking forward to what 2011 has in store for us. No matter what happens, I need to be grateful I have Nick in my life and by my side.