Strength In Pain

My favorite brother in law got me a cd for Christmas- Mumford & Sons. One of the songs (The Cave) has a lyric that has helped me through all of the shots, pokes, ultrasounds, and emotional pain. The lyric is: "I will find strength in pain". When I find myself dreading or getting anxious about the shots or upcoming appointments I think of that song. I also think of Nick and all the strength he has. He has remained so positive and strong for me. There are some things I learned because of IVF:

1. I am stronger than I thought emotionally & physically....it's crazy how much a body/soul can handle.

2. I am resilient... I have bounced back so many times after so many stumbles and I try to keep a smile on my face.

3. I am married to the most amazing person... to him I will forever be grateful.

4. How I want to treat people... never will I compare anyone's situation to another's. So many people have commented that they understand what we're going through and that they know people who have given themselves shots because of other reasons. I'll tell you what- IVF shots are not like other shots. The emotional baggage that comes with IVF is no way comparable to other things. Unless someone has gone through IVF, they have no clue what we're feeling or dealing with.

Yikes

Nick & I went to Iowa City to learn how to do the injections and to pick up all of my medication. I am very thankful Nick has a background with needles... I don't think I could give myself shots. My nerves would get the best of me. The teaching went great...

We headed down to the pharmacy with a huge list of all the medications. The nurse told us to give that list to the pharmacy and they would check off everything to be sure I had it all. After a long wait, huge bill & a big bag full of medicine we headed on our way. Two days later, I would be starting my shots.

The day the injections were to start was the day of an awful snowstorm, so I was going to be off from work. Nick had to stay at the firehouse because of the storm. He would be home before I needed my 1st shot. I started to look through all the paperwork to be sure I had everything ready for Nick when he finally got home. I searched and searched for the drug (leuprolide) I needed. I thought maybe it was under a different name because I couldn't find it anywhere. Once I was sure I didn't have it, I called my mom and Nick in a panic. Nick was going to come home and my mom was on her way.

In the meantime, I made myself sick 3 times... I was so worried, nervous, scared and sick about not having the drug I needed.

Timing is so crucial with IVF...it was too late to call the hospital, so we started calling every pharmacy around our area. We found out this drug is on shortage and very hard to get. No one around us carries this drug. The Iowa City pharmacy doesn't even have it and they do IVF. We finally gave up and prayed this wouldn't throw the whole cycle.

I didn't sleep well. Got up and called Iowa City and the nurse reassured me everything would be alright. She put an order in and said it would be at my house in 2 days and it wouldn't mess anything up... THANK GOD!

It came when she said it would from a place in Texas that specializes in IVF drugs. Never have I been so worked up about anything that I got sick. It made me realize just how emotionally draining this situation is. It also made me realize how blessed I am to have such a supportive & strong mom and husband. They were determined to figure this fluke out.